Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
