why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
