She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
