So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
