fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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