she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
