I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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