i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
