i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
