hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
