I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
