that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
