It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
