Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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