so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize