I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize