You work out of a Hotel?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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