they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
