just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
