she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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