oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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