It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
