She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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