Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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