hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
