Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
