Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
