And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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