why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize