well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
