remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
