so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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