you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
