): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
