cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
