he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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