i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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