Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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