I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
