I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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