you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
