Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
