apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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