Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
