We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
