I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
