Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
