Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize