kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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