I think my fart just growled at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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