He is an equal opportunity slut.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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