i was born a porn star she said
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
