just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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