I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
