he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
