New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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