i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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