Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize