guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
