what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
