paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
