There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
